The 1st Annual Simons Awards.
The utterly shameless rip-off of the Oscars, but who cares? Alright, so that was the Oscars last night, an award ceremony that is longer than the Lord Of The Rings trilogy all together. An award that is determined by a panel of so-called experts being closed doors, no matter how much we movie-goers want to participate. Experts? They didn't even nominate The Dark Knight! Pfft, who needs to listen to what they have to say about the best movies of the year... No matter how true they are. Ahem. So as you could see, I thought I'd hop on the bandwagon and present my own personal list of favourites too. While carefully crafting this however, I've decided to go one step ahead (or a couple more actually) and include music, television, and stuff that you probably won't care about. Also presenting the worst of 2008, Razzie style. This then, is an award of prestige and... Erm, randomness. Without the honour of any mainstream awards cememonies. And the glamour. And the cermonies. And the trophies. This is rubbish really. Just listen to the experts. Without further adieu, let's recap the best and worst of 2008. [Warning: Explicit Content. "Expressive" words are used in the process.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Best TV Series:
- QI
- Have I Got News For You
- House
- Top Gear
- Stephen Fry in America
- The Office (US) And the winnner is... Have I Got News For You.  
 
Man, since the Writer's Guild Strike in 2007 and 2008 we've seen a clusterfuck of "reality shows" raining down on us. How shows like "Paris Hilton's My BFF" could be green-lighted and aired on American broadcasting networks is beyond my achievable level of understanding... That said, dramas and comedy shows aren't that much better, especially after the death of Friends, Arrested Development and the likes -- Shows that actual living human beings would like to watch. Quite simply, American television shows are getting crappier and crappier. Oh well, there's still House and the Office, I guess. And 24 as well. Finally a good season after that dribble of nonsense we got in season 6. They're still not as good as stuff that's been broadcasted across the Atlantic Ocean this year though. HIGNFY, namely, has pushed the border of political satire to its best. Highlights include the entire episode hosted by Brian Blessed, the US election special (hosted by the ever-excellent Jo Brand) and the pen-throwing incident between Jeremy Clarkson and Ian Hislop. Informative and side-splittingly funny at the same time, HIGNFY is one of the best TV shows of the year. Online Entertainer of the Year:
- Zero Punctuation.
- That Guy With The Glasses.
- MonkeyAndApple.
- Stephen Fry.
- Onion News Network. And the winner is... That Guy With The Glasses. 
Whoever hasn't seen him reviewing movies from the 90's should go to his website and see him now. Watching a 15-minute video of a guy shouting obscenity while going insane because of some horrible movies is a lot more entertaining than you think. His other works have proved that he has some talents in acting too, which is a big plus to help him climb up the internet ladder to becoming a viral celebrity in less than one year. And it shows -- In less than one year, each of his videos are streamed on an average of 150 thousand times. Brilliantly funny and incredibly amusing most of the time, That Guy With The Glasses is certainly one of the best online entertainers of the year. The Most Unfortunate Slogan of the Year: 
This is what happens when The Dark Knight takes over Hancock...
The Award for Shameless Tossers of the Year:
- FOX News Network.
- Westboro Baptist Church.
- People who voted for Prop. 8 in California.
- Sarah Palin.
- Rod Blogojevich, the ex-Governor of Illinois. And the winner is... ALL OF THEM!    
The FOX News Network has won for their total ignornace when it comes to reporting news unbiased, criticizing Barack Obama for having a middle name called "Hussein", and for having one of the biggest tossers in the world: Bill O'Reilly, who carries a hatred for people who has opinions different from his own, while accusing them of being unpatriotic. He's such a die-hard conservative that if you take off his pants, you'd probably see him wearing the American flag for boxers. Fake patriots. Westboro Baptist Church, a gay-hating fundamentalist cult who pickets at funerals of dead soldiers and murder victims for promoting a "gay propaganda", can burn in hell as well. The mere sight of them disgusts me. People who voted for Prop. 8 in California who thought having gay people getting married has anything to do with them holds the crown in 2008 as well. Whoever thought that homosexuals would have a negative impact on the society needs to have his brain checked. I bet that most of them cannot name a single valid reason of why homosexuals shouldn't get married other than their religious beliefs. Like it or not, not everyone in the US is religious and therefore shouldn't be restrained by what others believe in. Congratulations you wankers, you've fucked the gays and lesbians in the ass. Sarah Palin has won because she tried running for vice president in 2008 despite having absolutely no qualifications as a proper politician. I mean, she doesn't even know that Africa is a continent (she thought it was a country...), for Christ's sakes. Hell, she doesn't even know who the Prime Minister of Canada is... But well, who does anyway? I'll let her slide on that one. One of the biggest reasons she's on this list though, was that she tried to convince people that the Iraq War is "God's will" -- shamelessly combining politics and religion together. Whoever thought that it'd be a good idea for her to run for the vice president of the US must have be suffering from some pretty serious brain injuries. Rod Blogo... efevsdvsh.... or something like that, is here because he still insists of staying as the Governor of Illinois when all evidences point to him being more corrupted than Adolf Hitler -- but half as corrupted as most Chinese officials. Good job sacking him though. Congratulations you fucking twats. 5 Best Bushisms from his term in office: 
- "I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me." - 2004.
- "The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the - the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and bring them to justice." - 2003.
- "You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the War on Terror." - 2006.
- "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - 2004.
- "They misunderestimated me." - 2000. Best artist / group:
- AC/DC
- Coldplay.
- Fall Out Boy. And the winner is... Coldplay. 
Not much to say here really -- rock is pretty much dying when we reached 2000. Coldplay demonstrates with their album "Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends" that rock music is not necessarily dead yet -- Which is a good thing. Song of the Year:
- "Violet Hill" by Coldplay.
- "Stop & Stare" by OneRepublic.
- "Rock 'n' Roll Train" by AC/DC.
- "Red Tide" by Foxboro Hot Tubs.
- "20 Dollar Nose Bleed" by Fall Out Boy. And the winner is... "20 Dollar Nose Bleed" by Fall Out Boy. 
Just listen to this. How can you not like such a happy song? Worst idea(s) for a movie of the year:
- The Hottie & The Nottie.
- Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
- Bangkok Dangerous.
- Meet The Spartans / Superhero Movie / Disaster Movie.
- Twilight. And the winner is... Meet The Spartans / Superhero Movie / Disaster Movie.   
(This paragraph is very censored. But Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer can go shoot themselves in the head for making the most horrible movies 3 times in one year.) Oh, and Disaster Movie is #17 on the IMDB Bottom 100 list. Good on them. It certainly serves its title right, being a disastrous film. Best Actor / Actress:
- Josh Brolin in W.
- Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder.
- Sean Penn in Milk.
- Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight.
- Aaron Eckhart in The Dark Knight.
- Frank Langella in Frost / Nixon. And the winner is... Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight. 
One of the biggest selling points of The Dark Knight is, indeed, the joker. Only a glimpse of him in the trailer (well hardly a "glimpse" -- he almost carried that trailer) and it made us, Batman fans or not, all hyped up about his insane performance. Yes, I was hyped up too -- Finally a good iconic movie villain since that doctor in some movie about... Lambs. And then the news came. I hate to admit it, but before the unfortunate death of Heath Ledger got to me, I didn't have much of an idea of who he was. I haven't watch Brokeback Mountain nor I'm Not There, but watching him in The Dark Knight in an IMAX theatre in New York does give me a good enough idea of how damn great he is as an actor. His performance in TDK is just jaw-droppingly stunning. The joker's insanity, randomness, brilliance, creativity, his anarchic ideologies and his utter horribleness are all wonderfully portrayed, at a level that it almost seems effortless for Heath Ledger to perform this role. Watching him in The Dark Knight is simply fantastic, and there is no doubt in saying that he is THE best element that makes up the entire film. Heath Ledger has set a standard of what acting should be like by portraying the best villains in Hollywood of all time. RIP. Movie of the Year:
- Tropic Thunder.
- Wall-E.
- Frost / Nixon.
- Milk.
- The Dark Knight. And the winner is... A tie between The Dark Knight and Wall-E. (no, don't force me to pick one)  
Frost / Nixon comes a close second though. And no, I haven't watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millionaire or The Reader. Yet. Don't bombard my email asking why I didn't give the fake-award to these movies, because frankly, I haven't watched them yet. Oh well. Anybody who knows me well enough would know that I have watched The Dark Knight 4 times at a theatre (2 times in IMAX), and approximately 200 times on my computer. It's no surprise then, that The Dark Knight is officially my favourite movie of the year (or indeed, of all time if not because of Forrest Gump's pure awesomeness). What made The Dark Knight so amazing is that it is not just another mindless action movie. It holds a lot of promises, and delivers them at the best way possible. It explores different themes of right and wrong, consequences, humanity and emerges the audiences in a world of chaos, a world of frustration, a world of tragedy, and a world where clowns are a lot scarier than they should be. Of course, this movie, partially filmed in Hong Kong -- my hometown -- helps to a certain extent as well (although with the most unfortunate cameo of Edison Chen...). The visuals and sounds are fantastic, the script is brilliantly written, the cast is fabulous, the characters are all memorable (including Harvey Dent -- perfectly portrayed by Aaron Eckhart), the direction is perfect, the scores are well-done, the batmobile and the batpod are freezingly cool, the Joker cracks skulls with pencils. Everything is just perfect. I was sure that this would be the best movie of 2008. Until I watched Wall-E on my computer again. Yes, I did watch Wall-E before watching The Dark Knight, and in many ways I am inclined to point out that in many ways, The Dark Knight is a better film than Wall-E... But I can't. Watching Wall-E in the theatre and realizing that it was so good was as surprising and as impressive as watching your grandmother do popping while chanting gangstar rap... Okay, bad example, but you get my drift. Wall-E is simply a trimuph of accomplishment in terms of direction, the gorgeous computer generated effects, and when you watch this movie, you simply marvel at how they've pulled off such a film. Despite the fact that not much dialogue is used, the story is communicated more effective than ever -- which, I may also point out, is one simple story but one of the most heart-warming, funniest and most meaningful stories that has ever came from Pixar. In many ways, it is a pretty old-fashioned love story, scattered with humour on the top with inspiring central themes throughout the movie. It succeeds not because it is a mainstream all-action-slash-comedy movie that you or me would gladly enjoy, but because it successfully offers so much substance and creativity without using many of the important elements that make up a film -- dialogues and central human characters. Who could have thought that a story about two robots who can only shout "Walle!" and "Eve!" throughout the movie, while falling in love with each other in a spaceship full of degenerated fat people in space -- work so well? It is just breath-takingly brilliant. --------------------------------------------- That's it for tonight's awards. Congratulations all the winners and the nominees! | 
Bollocks.
